to whom it may concern....

There are currently no mask mandates in the state of Utah. There are many who choose to wear masks and many who don’t. 

Those who don’t are often unfairly categorized as being uneducated, misinformed, selfish, a conspiracy theorist, or accused of only listening to or reading “right wing media”.

I hope through sharing my personal experiences I can adequately articulate the reasons behind our beliefs.

It’s my hope that whomever reads this can do so in a reflective manner with respect and an open mind and not be so quick to judge.

I can say for myself that I have spent countless hours pondering, praying and looking at this from all angles when deciding what is best for our family. After doing so we feel strongly that wearing masks is something that we are no longer comfortable with.

I feel very strongly that children have been impacted by the mandates and shutdowns more than any other community, despite being the lowest risk. I believe that children need to see faces and smiles. Expressions. Emotions. They need to learn to speak, listen, and learn without masks standing in their way.

I  believe the added pressure of being told they have to wear a mask to stay safe and protect others is harmful. There has been enough studies and information shown that unless it is an N 95 mask worn properly, cloth masks do little to protect yourself and nothing to protect others- therefore making the mantra "my mask protects you" obsolete.

It has been stated that:  Early childhood is a crucial period when humans develop cultural, language, and social skills, including the ability to detect emotion on other people’s faces. Social interactions with friends, parents, and caregivers are integral to fostering children’s growth and well-being.

With permission I share this story my sister shared with me:

“Several weeks ago, as I sat in primary (our church's children’s class)  as the only one without a mask, a child turned around and looked at me. This child had a somber look on his face, but when the child made eye contact with me, I gave this child a smile. The child’s mask had fallen below their mouth, and as soon as they saw my smile, they burst into a bigger smile than I’d seen them have in months. At this moment, I felt the spirit very strongly that children need to see faces”

Last spring we visited my sister who lives in a different state where mask regulations were much more relaxed. One afternoon they went to the grocery store with their older cousin. 

As soon as they got home- they ran through the door with the biggest smiles- and with genuine relief and excitement told us how they didn’t have to wear a mask and how awesome  it was.

It both melted my heart and broke it at the same time and was a sincere wake up call.

I  do not think masks are going away. I believe people will always wear them. But to make it an expectation for everyone Is no longer fair.

With the studies and information that continue to come out on masks and the idea that Covid is here to stay we all need to adapt and do what is best for our families as we move forward in life so we can live our lives to the fullest.

To have wearing a mask continue to be an outward virtue signal of someone who is deemed more  obedient and more caring than another is something that I plead- needs to stop. 

I am well aware that my Church leaders have urged members to wear masks at Church. I have not taken their urging lightly. They have also asked us to follow the recommendations of our local government leaders- and as of right now they have lifted all mask mandates.

After their statement came out I did wear a mask again to church. But it became something that was consuming my every  thought while there and  I couldn’t focus, I felt uncomfortable, I felt like a fraud because wearing a mask was something I had become morally opposed to.

It was not until I decided to stop wearing one all together that I felt at peace. At this time we are one of a few who don't currently wear masks at church.

I respect and love my Church leaders. I am a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I have a strong testimony of the gospel in which I believe and in the way I conduct and live my life- and that is not changing. 

We have prayed for guidance to navigate Covid as many of you have. 

Our family has prayerfully decided against wearing masks and we move forward in confidence with this decision. 

This is not something we are deciding flippantly. It is something we feel strongly about and we have weighed the pros and cons seriously. I am grateful our children are not forced to wear masks at school or at other public places. But the expectation is still there from many.

I do not like to stand out or give anyone the impression that I am not following the rules. I cringe at the notion that someone might think I am being a bad example or that they are afraid of me because I am not wearing a mask. 

The fact that people actually think this way is disheartening.

I have been told recently that my way of thinking is flawed and that by choosing to not wear a mask I am being selfish and not thinking of others- a sentiment that I resent.

In reality, this choice has not come lightly and I cannot understand how someone can in one breath preach caring and kindness for others while blatantly being rude and dismissive in another.

To be clear- from the beginning I have taken Covid seriously. I have felt afraid and worried for my health and for that of my family. 

We didn't know what to expect from this pandemic. It was new and unchartered territory.

We are now two years in and have had time to make decisions that reflect where we stand and what we are now comfortable with instead of falling in line and doing exactly what we are told without being given the opportunity to think for ourselves.

When we were asked to “stay home, stay safe” we did just that. Our kids didn’t go anywhere for months other than our front yard and our next door neighbor’s house. We didn’t get together with friends or do anything that was not deemed “essential”.

We supported our children and their teachers with remote learning.

We went 15 months before having a joint Sunday dinner with family. 

I spent hours helping to assemble kits for women in our area to sew masks for health care workers.

I spent hours collecting those masks, dividing  up materials  and finding people to sew them during the summer of 2020.

When the pandemic hit in early 2020 my family, like everyone else, began wearing masks.

I wore a mask to church, to the store, to restaurants. 

I was also pregnant with twins during most of 2020.

This meant, I also wore a mask to every doctor’s appointment, blood draw, ultrasound, Non-stress test and every time I was admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor. 

Masks were required the moment you walked into a facility which meant I was wearing a mask walking up stairs, riding in confined elevators and in waiting rooms where at times I had to wait for hours.

Because you are only allowed to take your mask off when you are alone in a room I was wearing a mask more often than not during these appointments. 

Including a two hour long 20 week scan where I had to be flat on my back the entire time- 20 weeks pregnant- with twins. 

And I did this every time -  all alone without AJ. Due to Covid regulations he missed every appointment including the ultrasound that gave us the surprise that we were having twins. 

I pushed two humans out of my body wearing a mask.

I couldn't see my newly delivered twins for hours because they had to wait for my covid test to come back before they would “allow” me to be near them.

 So trust me when I say I have been compliant.

Wearing a mask during that difficult time of my life definitely affected my mental health with my already high risk pregnancy. A pregnancy where I was exhausted and sick the entire time, where walking through the store, sitting in church, or a waiting room- wearing a mask left me out of breath with feelings of claustrophobia and paranoia.

Could someone argue that this was just a small sacrifice for me when so many others had it much worse? Yes. You can always say that someone has it worse and  argue against any point, but that doesn’t take my truth and my experiences away from me or make what I went through any less valid.

I feel that wearing a mask during that time has left me with many traumatic associations due to the extreme experiences I had both physically and emotionally during my pregnancy.

When our family got Covid in October I had a near mental breakdown - believing I was going to die- despite not even getting that sick.

It was then that I realized I had allowed fear to take over and I had given into the chaos and darkness  surrounding Covid.

It was a dark and scary moment for me.  And that is not something I want for myself or my family ever again. 

My experience at Columbine have left me with crippling PTSD that has made me live in fear more than half my life despite my best efforts not to.

I have to do better by my children. I will not be a part of instilling fear in them that they are only safe when wearing a mask or have them carry the burden of keeping others safe by that same token.

I feel strongly that I have to take a stand for my children and for the next generation that will be the recipients of these crippling affects if we don’t do what we can to change the narrative.

We all have the ability to receive our own personal revelation for ourselves and our families. It is unfair to believe that everyone will come to the same answer.

I believe we may be prompted to do different things to help us learn to live together peacefully with others despite our differing beliefs. 

(disclaimer: obviously this mindset does not apply in choosing to do anything immoral, illegal, or unethical)

In a time where information is changing daily and we are constantly learning and re-evaluating- let there be space and grace for others to change their minds and decide where they stand.

We often talk about unity and wanting more of it in our communities and our country. It seems like many believe unity can only be accomplished when everyone agrees. I believe that unity occurs when others come together despite their differences and learn to live in harmony together.

A friend of mine shared that she feels the Lord is testing us right now to see who will truly love as Christ does despite all our disagreements.

And we will be judged on our efforts to love others regardless of their choices.

I respect and love anyone who thinks differently than I do.

I am not perfect but I have always tried to show love and compassion for others even when I have not received it in return. 

I will not stand for anyone telling me that my way of thinking, and the decisions we have made as a family are flawed. 

I am not asking to change anyone’s mind. I am simply asking for people to understand that the decisions we’ve made may not make sense to you, but they are what we feel is right for us.

 I believe in personal revelation to make decisions that are right for our family, just as you have for yours. Instead of judging others because they don’t have the same opinion as you-perhaps we all have something to learn from each other.

It has recently become apparent to me that I can no longer let others decide what is best for me and my family, and I can no longer stand by quietly and allow others to form an opinion of me  and my choices without being given the chance to share insight into why.

Very rarely, when people disagree do they take the time to genuinely ask how you came to form your opinion or make your choice because they have already assumed and formulated a reason as to why.

And that is more frequently met with disdain, judgment, and bullying.

It is our job as parents to help give our children all the information to help them make wise choices. It is important for us to teach our children to not live in fear. To not be afraid of someone who is not wearing a mask or to be afraid to go somewhere where there are large groups of people.

I would be failing my children if I didn't teach them how to lovingly stand up for their beliefs and to not be afraid to stand for their convictions.

Most importantly, I feel an urgency to stand up for what I feel is important and that is allowing our children to live a life of normalcy.  Yes, kids are resilient- but at what cost? And at running the risk of creating unnecessary trauma and habits that will stay with them for a lifetime.

So when you see someone without a mask don't assume they are being rebellious or disobedient or reckless, selfish or careless.

Assume they are making choices and decisions that are important to them. 

That they have  weighed the pros and cons. Assume that they are good people who do love others , who don't want people to get sick and die, and want Covid to "end" just as much as you do. 

And maybe, getting back to normal and agreeing that this virus is here to stay but learning to not only live- but thrive- is one way we can take a step in the right direction .