maudsleys miracle

We weren't planning on doing IVF again.

After doing it twice in 2015 and having it end in heartache- we both felt that IVF was something we just couldn't ever do again.

So we lived the next few years fertility treatment free- always hoping for a miracle to happen on its own.  Those two years were so good for our souls. I felt like my heart and body healed. I still ached for a baby every single day- and it was something I had to work through constantly- but I wasn't as consumed by it as I had been for the years before.

There were ups and downs in my grieving and healing process- believing we may never have another baby- and it was hard. I would have strong days and weeks and then there would be moments that would break me.

But we felt strongly that we needed to end all treatments and just live our lives and hope and pray for a miracle.

But our heart began to change in 2017.

We felt that nudge to begin treatments again. We were in such a better place emotionally with our fertility that it felt right to see what could happen if we gave it a few more tries. We felt that we should go back to our fertility doctor and come up with a plan.

That was in Summer 2017 and it felt so right. We decided we would move forward with a few rounds of IUI.

We had a busy summer with AJ going on lots of youth camping trips,plus family trips and then we were asked to be a Ma and Pa on Trek. I was still hoping we might get pregnant on our own so when we were called on Trek I felt that getting pregnant last summer just wasn't going to happen.

It worked out for us to do an IUI in  October. It didn't work.

We did another one in November. Again. It didn't work.

By now my hope was waning. I believed so much that doing an IUI would work for us again! We took a break, we were doing everything right in our lives. So it was heartbreaking for it not to work again.

I took several steps backward in my healing. I felt broken more days than not and I didn't like the way I felt and how sad my heart was. It was hard. I was always praying and  telling God that if I wasn't getting pregnant, and I was having to feel this pain, and sadness that He had to help me through it. I didn't understand why it seemed everyone else was getting their babies but here we were with empty arms.

We decided to take a break from the IUIs over the holidays.

But this is when the idea of doing IVF again began to keep coming to mind. We applied for a giveaway for a  free round of IVF that some YouTube stars were giving away.

We quietly made a submission video, applied and hoped for the best. We weren't chosen which wasn't surprising - but for those few weeks I began to day dream about doing IVF again and the pull was stronger.

We also applied for another grant for $500 that someone was giving away to go toward fertility treatments. Again, we submitted our story via a video, did a Facetime chat with them on Christmas Eve -but we were not chosen for that either.

At this point we both felt strongly and excited about doing IVF.

We started the year off with lofty goals to save everything we could to afford the cost of IVF (about $15,000- $20,000) and we were excited about it.

We thought we could do it by the end of 2018 and this was our plan.

In January I found a fundraising website.

You design a shirt, sell it online and you receive a portion of the proceeds. It felt right.  AJ isn't one to ask for help but after a few days he decided he felt good about it, too. So mid-January we launched our Faith it 'till You Make it T-shirt campaign.

We were so overcome by love and support that it is almost a sacred experience to recall. It was so scary to put it out there that we were needing help but the support we received was amazing. I remember right after I posted it to Facebook and Instagram I was so nervous.

 I didn't know if anyone would buy a shirt. I was afraid I would have to purchase the five shirt minimum just to save face.

Within ten minutes I checked the status and saw that a good friend of mine bought 5 shirts- one for each of her family members. And I cried and cried. I felt like it was such an answer to prayer- to know that we were not alone. Again, such a tender mercy and one that was just the start of many to come.

We felt so much love from friends, family, acquaintances, and people I really haven't spoken to our talked to in years. For everyone who bought a shirt, or donated money- you will never know what your kindness means to  us.  It's changed us and it restored some faith in us and healed our hearts in such a special way.

During this time we did our 16th round of IUI in five years. This was in January and sadly, it did not work. We were heartbroken. But we had a plan to move forward with IVF the following year.

Going through that IUI in January I asked AJ to check his insurance policy at Wellsfargo again- just in case they covered fertility.

We have had insurance through Wellsfargo our entire marriage- and they have never covered fertility. But I wanted him to check again anyway.

And by what I can only call a miracle- sometime in the last year Wellsfargo started covering fertility costs.

We were shocked. Blown away. Skeptical. It seemed too good to be true. AJ called to confirm the coverage and we found out that we had to sign up for the program but then our insurance would cover 80% up to $25,000 after we hit our deductible plus- up to $10,000 in medication costs.

When AJ called me from work to confirm everything I just cried and cried. I couldn't believe that this miracle was happening. With the money we had saved, and the money we raised and was donated to us we had just about all the costs available to begin IVF right away.

There were lots of phone calls, and paper work to make sure everything was in order for our insurance but it was well worth it.

We met with our doctor, and within the next few weeks we began treatment.

I was called to serve as the Relief Society President in our church during all of this. I felt so overwhelmed and confused as to the timing of this. Serving as the RS President is filled with much responsibility and time- and IVF is time consuming and very emotional and hard physically.

I kept wondering if I should ask our Bishop to hold off on having me begin this calling until after we did IVF. But that never felt right. I just felt like I needed to put all my faith in God.


The thought came to me that Heavenly Father was aware that we were about to begin IVF just like  He knew that I was going to be Relief Society President.


I felt like the timing was there for a reason so I accepted the call to serve and the day after after being sustained in church for my new calling, I began a strict regimen of  injections, medications, and doctor appointments to prepare for IVF.

The day of our egg transfer we were told we had 3 beautiful, healthy embryos with several more still developing in the lab.

We planned on implanting two embryos but our doctor strongly advised us not to because the quality was so high we would surely end up with twins.

I still wanted to do two but after AJ and I talked about it, I told AJ he needed to make the final call and he felt good about following the wise instruction of our doctor- and we implanted one perfect embryo and thus began the two week wait to find out if we were pregnant.

I was supposed to go in for a blood draw HCG test to confirm the pregnancy on Mother's Day. I asked if I could put it off for the following day. So the next day I went into SLC and had my blood drawn. The  next few hours were almost longer than the previous two weeks. I had  my nurse leave the news on my voicemail so AJ could come home from work and we could listen together.

We both cried as we listened to our nurse tell us "I want to give you wonderful news- you're pregnant!"

Here I am now 10 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby that we have prayed and waited for for over five years.

There is so much more to share about the IVF process- it is the most spiritual, amazing, humbling experience. You go through so much physically and emotionally and it is live changing.

We  have been on both sides. The side where you go through IVF and you don't get a baby, and the side where it is successful and you get to be pregnant and start a new journey.

It is so strange yet amazing to be on this side now.  But my heart is still guarded and tender and I know that fertility and everything we have gone through is not over now- it will stay with me forever.

I am so sensitive to how our happy news might be breaking the heart of someone else longing for a baby of their own or anyone who has experienced infertility. And it breaks me a little inside to know that.

 I have been there and I know the feeling and it can be painful. So if that is you, please know I am not  taking this lightly- my heart is still heavy for every single person who is dealing with infertility.

We are so happy and excited and nervous for what is to come- it almost doesn't seem real, but every day that gets closer and closer the more real it is becoming.

We are so grateful for the love and support we have received and for the happiness and excitement people have shared with us.

 Beginning medications

 After my egg retrieval. They were able to get 18 eggs- we implanted one and now have six embryos left

At one of my many doctor appointments, there was a time when I drove into SLC five mornings in a row for a blood draw and ultrasound to prep for the egg retrieval 

The day of our egg retrieval

I got a little light headed after getting my IV in

Shots need to be given at exact times with in comes to IVF. I had a Zoo field  trip one morning with an appointment right before that so I brought my injections with me.

Before we started IVF I had a minor surgery to remove polyps from my uterus. This was my third time having this surgery in four years.

Just some of our medications! One shot, a human growth hormone cost $1,500 and was not included in our insurance coverage. We feel like it was worth it and that that growth hormone helped our embryo quality soar.